I’ve recently come to realize that lonely vs alone, is a matter of perspective. I am from a large family where there were nine siblings and our parents. Growing up I never felt alone as the house was filled with people and noise. Then I got married and immediately started having children again filling the empty space with noise and little bodies of joy. It was not until after my divorce and my children were grown and left home that I was left in a quiet place all alone.
At the beginning it was strange, I felt like I needed someone to fill the void. I felt lonely and longed for a partner to come home to. I realized that in my 45 years I had never been totally alone. At that point in my life I was very insecure. I struggled to feel like I had enough. Finances were limited, bills were abundant and I lived in fear of what if.
It was at that time that I started to pay attention to me, to seek My Truth. I began to get clear on what I needed and wanted in my life. Before this my life had been lived for my husband and children. There was no Me, I had never connected to the true essence of who I was. I realized that this time in my life was a breaking open of my heart and it was necessary for me to find myself. As I did this my perspective changed. I came to realize that I liked being alone in my own company. I could create my environment to be one of joy. Wonderful music and dancing began to fill my life. New adventures began to appear. I discovered I loved reading and listening to inspiring speakers. And it could all be done in my quiet space when I was alone.
I began to look forward to my alone time, as it became the place for me to grow and connect to the things I loved. As I filled myself with these wonderful things my insecurity left and everything I needed began to appear. Maybe it was already there and I just let it in. I began to use my alone time to silence my mind in meditation and strengthen my body with yoga. In connecting within I grew to love and cherish every part of myself. And life changed, as the world came to see me as I saw myself.